Jeff Cutler – columns, essays and opinions

The steady push forward of writing projects (like the feature on Jonathan Coulton or the article on Kate Walton or the column for the newest women’s magazine – Privvy) is essential to finding more success.

The trouble most writers run into is either motivation or inspiration. Mine is certainly not inspiration. In fact, this morning I looked at my cup of tea and was inspired to bang out a poem for Tea A Magazine.

That will go out this morning and the other materials will continue to be refined as we head through this week.

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The following column is also going to appear as a Bowl of Cheese podcast later today. Enjoy.

The coffee table in your house probably has on it a magazine or two. The publications are there either to impress visitors, to give you something to flip through while your partner is watching Top Chef or American Idol, or a mix of both.

The magazines in my house run the gamut from UTNE Reader to Scoot Magazine, but that’s to be expected from a writer. Some of the most dog-eared periodicals are Mac|Life and Popular Science because I frequently refer to back issues for tips and tricks on all things electronic and Mac.

I even have a subscription to Boston Magazine and Yankee just so I can keep up to date with local events and the pulse of the region.

From the regular columnists to the special features, each of these mags offers a wealth of knowledge to its readers. And even the advertising sections serve both a financial and societal purpose.

Take Pop-Sci for instance (and yes, Pop-Sci is an acceptable abbreviation for Popular Science…it’s not as cool at NatGeo, but it’s a start), they have a Popular Science Showcase in the back of each issue.

There you can find work tables, 500,000 BTU torches, geodesic dome homes, extra-wide shoes and even human pheromones. That’s right, sex stuff in the back of Popular Science – who woulda thunk it?

Well, I take a special interest in the pheromone ads because the woman who pitches this stuff to geeks like me is Dr. Winnifred Cutler. That’s right, probably a relative who is both a doctor and a renowned creator of the 10X™ Formula to boost your sex appeal. Outstanding.

What’s even better is that Dr. Cutler’s 10X ads have been in the Popular Science Showcase for decades! It’s said (in the ad, so get your grains of salt ready) that Dr. Cutler co-discovered human pheromones in 1986 and received her Ph.D. from UPenn.

Best of all, the research and the product must be valid because in my opinion, Winnifred Cutler is as ugly as a horse.

Add it all up. The ad runs for years. The pitchman is a woman who could pass for a man. The design of the ad could have been done by a fourth-grader. And the testimonials are from a guy in Oklahoma and another in upstate New York, with the best quote being, “The stuff is like catnip. Too many women come after me.”

It must work. The final proof is that Dr. Cutler has updated her look after years of appearing in the ad with a 1964 hairdo. She’s now updated it to a ravishing 1983 look that probably makes all the delivery men growl.

So, if you’re looking for love and need some increased attention from the opposite sex, grab a Popular Science Magazine from the local bookstore. The 10X ad is right in the back.

Or if you’re just looking to impress your guests, get a few issues and leave them on your coffee table open to the Showcase pages. There might be one or two friends who are enamored of the spiral staircase kits or the Super Z Hustler Turf Equipment mower, or even the 4-minute ROM exerciser.

But I’m sure Dr. Winnifred Cutler will do her part to entice some eyeballs toward the magic of 10X and the power of pheromones. Now that’s some popular science.

Also enjoy these before and after photos of Dr. Cutler. What a makeover!

That’s the OLD photo. Here’s the new one.

Interestingly, the ‘alternate text’ box where Wordpress allows me to upload photos offers as alternate text for any photo – “Mona Lisa”. That’s ironic.

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I did a bunch of record-keeping today and lined up a bunch of potential articles and features in and around the city. Unfortunately I was once again reminded that I have to be thinking much more like a magazine editor and event planner than a simple seat-of-my-pants freelancer.

What I mean by that is that if I fail to think of events that are three, six and nine months away, I’ll fail to acquire press credentials for the occasions I want to cover.

This was proven to me in no uncertain terms this week as two local event organizers denied my request for medial passes. The first was IFFBoston – the Independent Film Festival of Boston – and the other was ROFL Boston.

The film festival granted me credentials last year and I was able to get one column and a bunch of background info for blog entries and other pieces. This year it snuck up on me and they didn’t have room for another reporter.

ROFL is a new media event and their online literature was a little unclear so I didn’t see that registration had closed until the other morning. I wanted to register as an attendee and just go to the conference, but I figured I still had a shot as a writer. I was wrong. They gave out all of their media credentials and the rep from ROFL sent me a note saying they were so amazed and overwhelmed with the attention and registration numbers that they couldn’t fit even one more body.

In both cases I should have acted sooner. But I also wonder what steps I can take going forward to ensure that organizers take me more seriously. As a freelancer I have a collection of powerful clips to attract event staff and convince them that I’m serious about my craft.

But their main responsibility is opening the doors to people who already have assignments to write about their event. That usually doesn’t happen for freelancers. So unless I think way ahead and get some editors to assign me to cover an event (a more news-reporter gig than a column or feature gig), then I will continue to miss some of these opportunities.

The other approach I could take is pay my own freight and then seek reimbursement after the fact from the publications that buy my pieces.

Just a little wake-up call that I wanted to share.

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After sending off a few queries this morning, I’m ready to jump back into my Filemaker database and enter that info.

You shouldn’t be surprised that a big part of writing is also business. Instead of being ensconced in an office where the record-keeping and the payroll and the lunch and the HVAC and the security is taken care of…being the full-time freelancer is a job that requires many hats.

Let’s not get off topic and think of Mr. Wonka and his assortment of hats, but there are days that are going to include fewer key banging and more phone calls, errands and mundane office work.

After my recent Key West research trip, where I learned more about Hemingway, I have begun to think that old Ernest had it pretty well. His wife (and all his wives) looked after the house while all he had to do was wander to his studio for 700 words and then to the harbor to go fishing and the bar to get completely littered.

Maybe he had something. This post isn’t quite 700 words, but I know I’ve written something on the order of 2000 today in various forms. Maybe it’s time to go put the bike rack on the car and do a little brainstorming in the woods on the mountain bike.

And maybe it’s time to sit right here in the library and get some more ideas down on paper. Tomorrow will be 80° so if I get Wednesday’s work done today then the biking or other stuff can happen outside in a day.

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Today is the last of my meandering, on-assignment days. I went to Key West and other parts of Florida this past week to write some columns and research some travel, opinion, scooter, entertainment, food, relationship and environmental pieces.

I got a wealth of knowledge, a bunch of story ideas and fodder, and a much-needed break from the rigors of the grind in my studio. I plan to regularly take the Jeff Cutler writing on the road (like tonight when I’m going to try and visit Skeptics in the Pub in Cambridge again) so that my materials never get stale.

Keep reading and I’ll post more updates later this week.

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All this week I’ll be spending some time on location with Ernest Hemingway and James Buffet.

The posts might be a little sporadic, but I’ll catch you up to speed when I return.

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Aside from enjoying the experience of being chosen to serve my country and commonwealth on a jury, not much else transpired today.

I did contact some more publications about freelance opportunities and I did manage to fit in a Pawtucket Red Sox game, but most of that was uneventful.

More reporting on my activities will show up here as I move forward. I have a writing retreat to attend for a couple days coming up, so I might hold off from posting info until I see how inspired the experience makes me.

Talk to you soon and keep reading!

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Worked today to build a relationship with a regional newspaper and a few event planners who might grant me freelance press credentials to their conferences.

In the weeks to come I’ll post links here to any freelance articles that result from these efforts.

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Here’s a column that’s also going up at BostonNow and maybe will be part of New Media Friday via Bowl of Cheese dot com. It’s about the other opening day in Baseball. Enjoy.

The Other Opening Day
by Jeff Cutler

A week ago I went to Opening Day for the other Red Sox team. That’s correct, the Pawtucket Red Sox.

The day was Thursday, April 3 and it was about 40 degrees and windy. In the stands I saw children whining because of the cold and relationships crumbling because a good-sized sampling of men had decided a chilly Spring day at a baseball game was romantic.

It wasn’t on the level of a lobster dinner, a diamond ring, a bottle of wine or even a leftover Russell Stover’s chocolate with a thumbnail in the bottom.

Baseball can be romantic and romanticized (see my latest Bowl of Cheese podcast reading of Casey at the Bat), but early-season games are not in that class.

The games that take place at the start of the season are sloppy events that feature amateurish play, questionable conditions, infrastructure glitches and final scores that often resemble grade-school soccer results rather than playoff hockey tallies.

At this particular Opening Day in Pawtucket, RI, We saw the hometown team beat the Indianapolis Indians 3-0. There were seven pitchers who took part in the shut-out and each team contributed to the total of three errors on the night.

On the whole the game and the experience was similar to what people will see today at Fenway Park except for a few exceptions. Here’s my list of how minor league baseball stacks up against major league baseball and why it pays to buy season tickets for the former instead of mortgaging your house to say you were in the stands when Papi hit a homer to win the Series or some such rot.

In the minors you seldom pay for parking.
For a major league game you routinely pay $40 or more to leave your car for four hours.

Minor league games take the requisite two hours and 37 minutes to play.
The big league now is approaching 210 minutes per game on average.

A hot dog at McCoy costs a couple bucks. And you can get a beer for $5.
Fenway vendors require a credit check before you can gobble a frank and guzzle a beer.

Sightlines in Pawtucket are clear, which allows you to see the game in all its glory.
The poles, sideways orientation and tiny seats require you to be a yoga expert just to watch a game at Fenway. Luckily, people are constantly wandering in front of you so what you don’t miss because of your spot in the stadium is blocked by fat people carrying beer.

People actually stand up and sing the national anthem and God Bless America when they’re played at the minor league park.
Fans use these times to make cell phone calls, shout for vendors or talk loudly with companions when this music is played at Fenway.

A random sampling of fans from both parks revealed that the best place to watch the PawSox play is in Pawtucket at the stadium.
Fans in Boston said that the best place to see the MLB game is – in order – at home with a mini cooler next to the couch, at a bar that has big-screen TVs all over the place, in the luxury box at the ballpark, and finally while standing in line at the concessions. Trying to watch the game from the stands is insane unless you have seats on the wall.

Which leads to my last point…price.

The most expensive box seat to see the Pawtucket Red Sox is $10.
The most expensive box seat at Fenway is the cost of a new scooter and a beach house on Cape Cod for a week in August.

I hope the Red Sox win their home opener, but I’ll be about 45 minutes south at the time the first pitch is thrown. I’ll likely be settling into my spacious $10 seat, three rows from the field about halfway down the third-base line at the same time jets fly over Fenway.

Ultimately, I don’t think there’s anything minor about the superior entertainment value offered by the Pawtucket Red Sox. And I wish some big league teams…including the Red Sox…would step to the plate to offer a similar product to their fans.

Play ball!

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Today I’ve already written a column on grammar rules and how they affect (not effect) people.

Next, I’ll be choosing some conferences to attend and then dashing off to a meeting with an advertising client. This client is a holdover from my pre-Sabbatical schedule. I had hoped to have this work wrapped up by now but it’s not quite done.

I’ve also got the BostonNow editorial meeting to attend and some query research to do.

Seems to me that this week is shaping up to be productive and fun. Follow along.

*I’ll be submitting today’s column to a local daily newspaper or maybe even to BostonNow.

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