I was plundering some older writing pieces when I came upon this little gem. I wrote it in a rant about something and have now decided it merits an appearance here on Jeff Cutler dot com.

It might even be worthy of a Bowl of Cheese podcast episode, but we’ll see if you guys like it first.

Enjoy…

I didn’t look at the date on the milk. In my hand it felt normal. A pint per pound…not heavy, not light.

I brought it to my tea and dumped in enough to stain the fluid, to make it cloudy, to add taste.

The sugar was already in the cup. Poised to attack my teeth and satisfy my tongue.

Unfortunately I hadn’t followed the proper procedure.

Proper tea, the tea of kings and queens, is a tea taken of a cup that is adorned with sugar lumps and a splash of milk.

The condiments come first…in a proper tea.

Mine wasn’t even from a pot. I had fired up the water and poured it over a tea bag.

Blasphemy. Not as horrible as the chicken soup you buy from a roach coach. You know the kind. A chicken ran through it.

But tasteless enough that I’d be ashamed to serve it to royalty.

Would they be ashamed to taste it or would they keep up appearances not to embarrass me?

What? Am I worried now about a pop-in from dukes and earls and princes?

Who am I…Jimmy Carter?

I have never swung a hammer at a Habitat House, so I can’t be Carter.

Maybe I’m a musician. That’s not possible. I’ve heard myself sing. I’m ungood. Even my happy birthday is abysmal. I’d probably be fired from Friday’s or Chili’s or Bennigan’s or any restaurant where the waitstaff has to stomp their feet and clap and sing.

Who ever thought diners would enjoy that? It’s akin to letting people use their cell phones on planes. It’s not about the people using the phones, it’s about the poor fools who have to listen to self-important idiots conducting ‘business’ at 30,000 feet.

It’s like tea drinkers who put out their pinky when they slurp. Pretentious donkeys.

I’m better than them. And smarter. I know how I should drink my tea and how I should pour it. But I’m not drinking tea to show anyone up. I’m drinking it because I like it.

Even if the milk might be past its time.

Even if the sugar attacks my teeth.

Even if it came from a bag and not a pot.

And even if royalty isn’t stopping by…today.

Keep reading!