This is a pure, in-the-shower idea. Meaning it came to me while I was in the shower and listening to Coulton’s music.

As some of you are aware, I did a 90-minute interview with the musician this spring and have been shopping a feature on him to various publications. Either he’s already jumped the shark or has too much ink, but buyers have been very scarce.

That hasn’t dulled my affection for his songs and for the depth with which he must have thought out the lyrics. As the title of this column indicates, I’m going to go through the song ShopVac and give my thoughts on various passages.

If you don’t have the song, google ShopVac Coulton and you’ll find a copy you can purchase or just listen to.

Here we go. First, take a quick read through the lyrics then I’ll give my thoughts on stanzas (are they stanzas or just paragraphs if they’re posted in text?) 1, 3, 5, and 8. I welcome your comments. Further, if you’re an editor reading this and want an article crafted from the Coulton interview – please drop me a note – jeff (at) jeffcutler dot com.

We took the freeway out of town
We found a place to settle down
We bought a driveway and a swingset and a dog
You got your very own bathroom
I got my very own workshop in the basement

We sit around staring at the wall-to-wall
Take field trips to our favorite mall
Waiting for the day when all the kids grow up and leave us here

If you need me
I`ll be downstairs
With the shop vac
You can call but I probably won`t hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on
But you`ll be OK
Cause you`ll be upstairs
With the TV
You can cry and I probably won`t hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on

We hung a flag above the door
Checked out the gourmet grocery store
I bought a mower I can ride around the yard
But we haven`t got real friends
And now even the fake ones have stopped calling

Maybe if you forget to hide the keys
I`ll take a ride to Applebee`s
I`ll come home drunk on daiquiris and throw up on the neighbor`s lawn

If you need me
I`ll be downstairs
With the shop vac
You can call but I probably won`t hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on
But you`ll be OK
Cause you`ll be upstairs
With the TV
You can cry and I probably won`t hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on

I like the Starbucks here that`s better than the other one
Because the other one`s not as good
They really need to put a light there cause it`s hard to turn
It`s hard to make a left turn

And when it`s time to go to bed
I`m still awake inside my head
I`m floating up above the house and looking down
I guess I gotta go back there
I guess there never was any other answer

And as the freeway hums the cars go by
The headlights roll across the sky
Many miles away and I can see them speeding through the dark

If you need me
I`ll be downstairs
With the shop vac
You can call but I probably won`t hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on
But you`ll be OK
Cause you`ll be upstairs
With the TV
You can cry and I probably won`t hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on

Stanza 1 is the quintessential set of info that you need for this journey into Coulton’s head and actually into the head of the guy who’s the protagonist in Coulton’s story.

As you can tell, it’s a simple tale of leaving the big city and moving to the suburbs. But everything is seemingly measured by parts of the house instead of the parts of the people. Except maybe the private bathroom. But that’s a cultural belief that men have about women and their need to spend inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom.

The swingset and dog speak to not knowing if the couple wants kids. Get the swingset in case. Get the dog as a replacement if we don’t have kids.

And the workshop is just a symbol of the guy’s power or skill in taking care of things. Just like he took care of things (interpreted) by getting the house.

Stanza 3 is really the refrain. Not being a music person, I think I’m labeling things correctly. Gimme a shout if I slip up.

In this set of lyrics, Coulton lays down the groundwork for the daily grind the couple will encounter. Even though they’ve escaped from the city and moved to their dream palace, they haven’t solved any of the issues or differences between them.

I liken this to the wedding-day thought process some people cling to. Although a wedding is a gateway to the rest of a couple’s life, it’s just one day. Unfortunately, some men and women place a huge amount of significance on that one day and invariably face a post-wedding letdown after the big day.

These two fall right into that. The song is only three and half minutes long, so we don’t get to follow them along their dating, courtship, marriage, first apartment/condo. What we do see is that they fall right into their lifestyle patterns regardless of locale.

The words are genius. “You can call but I probably won’t hear you.” That’s brilliant. Passive-aggressive AND accurate. Gives the guy an added excuse if he’s not aware or receptive to the woman’s tears.

It also shows how aware of relationships and human nature Coulton has become over his musical career.

Stanza 5 is deep and dark and short. It speaks to the woman’s practice of hiding the car keys because the guy gets a little distant and runs away from his life by taking a ride in the car. It could be a hint to a dozen things – like an affair or a drinking problem or gambling or just plain avoidance.

But the third line in that set gives us an answer. It’s clear that the guy goes out and drinks regularly and comes home bombed. We don’t know if he beats the woman, but we know he’s out of control enough to puke willy-nilly and that measures like hiding the keys are necessary.

It’s a gloomy existence even if it is sung fast with a fun beat and vocal style.

For a second, Coulton jumps to social commentary when he talks about Starbucks and there being one on every corner and the insanity of a society in which this can happen. Then he’s back on the guy’s thoughts.

In stanza 8 we finally get a deeper view into the man’s psyche. It gives listeners a solid peg on which they can hang the rest of the song and understand why the tone of the other passages is so fatalistic.

The man is “awake inside my head” and evaluating his life. It’s the only escape he has and probably the one he might end up taking if things don’t change for the better. I envision a suicide in this guy’s future or perhaps just drinking himself to death to avoid his life.

When listening, see if you can make out what the news reporter says about a man going berserk with a shotgun. Nice touch.

The final lines that show he succumbs again to his existence is “I guess I gotta go back there; I guess there never was any other answer.”

I wonder if he was trapped in this relationship. If he wasn’t strong enough to get out. If it was an arranged marriage.

Coulton leaves some questions unanswered. But isn’t that the beauty of art that makes you think?

If you need me, I’ll be upstairs….

Keep reading!