Jeff Cutler – columns, essays and opinions

Lately I’ve been building the calluses on my fingers as I prepare fro NaNoWriMo, which begins Saturday.

I’ve also been writing for JeffsNotes.com and have had a piece show up on StuffJournalistsLike.com.

While you haven’t seen me here over the past few days, I have been busy. And I’ll keep you up-to-date on the progress of the novel once I get head-down into it this weekend.

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Tags: columns, Jeff Cutler, journalism, nanowrimo.org, novel, opinion, writing

Part of being a professional writer is taking on the challenges presented by various forms of media. One such form that I’ve been having a lot of success and fun with is microblogging.

If you’re not familiar with microblogging, it’s ‘quick-hit’ missives that are broadcast to lots of people at once in forms that are easy to digest.

Take Tumblr or Twitter for example.

Well, the other amazing thing about this type of writing is the prevelance of face-to-face community.

In 20+ years of newswriting and journalism, I have seldom been able to find communities where I can learn from smart people, interact with like-minded individuals and just relax with other writers. That’s all gone now because these microblogging communities offer up a regular menu of events where people can talk shop and relax.

Just this week there are three events I’ll be attending in an effort to remain connected with a group of smart Boston-area bloggers, podcasters and media makers. I feel that I have something to offer the others who attend and I’m sure that I’ll learn something at each of these events.

*The three events are a Blog Marketing session tonight. A pizza luncheon tomorrow with Jeff Pulver. And a social media gathering at WBUR on Thursday.

But as with any big event you can’t tell the players without a program. Or at least without nametags. That’s where Tweetup Badges comes in. This little badge company in the middle of the country is now specializing in stamping out plastic ‘Tweet-up’ badges for people just like me who want to see and be seen at social media events.

And they only cost $2.10 per badge.

The badges can be personalized with a hash tag (the #xxx designation that allows people to search for a topic on Twitter or elsewhere on the Internet) and your name and Twitter id. Mine all say @jeffcutler and I’ve left the hash area blank so I can use the badges at multiple events.

**Hash tags for recent events I’ve attended include #miw, #nms08, #pcb3, #bmm100508 and #smb9.

As I go out to cover conferences like Podcamp, Mobile Internet World, Blogtoberfest and even the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, I’ll be recognizable as Jeff and people can follow my articles, columns and blog posts at any of my sites with announcements of each submission on my Twitter feed.

Now isn’t that better than being a nameless, badgeless writer wandering around an exhibit hall or conference room?

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Tags: #ces09, Boston, Jeff Cutler, jeff pulver, reporter, social media events, Tweetup badges

I got a call from my father Sunday. He was driving past a church in Hingham and saw about a dozen boxy, little SMART cars parked in their driveway. It turns out, they were in town to celebrate a meetup of like-minded car owners.

After his suggestion that I go take some photos of the event, which I provided to a few media outlets and also posted here, I started to think about our need to be included.

In anything.

With people.

Even odd people who drive little boxy cars.

What’s our major malfunction? Are humans so needy that they have to dress alike (witness the legions of people in Talbots garb all around the South Shore) or drive impractical vehicles (can you really find a purpose in Hummers for the general populace?).

I can understand the desire to be included. I went through high school as a slightly nerdy and excluded teen and it scarred me slightly. Conversely, I’ve been thrilled in my adult life to be part of fundraising, social and recreational groups. They’ve offered me the ability to expand my knowledge, meet new people and enjoy a variety of experiences.

So is this interaction as vital as food or water? Do we require this stimulation to exist and contribute to society?

What about monks who lock themselves away for years contemplating the world? That strikes me as an exercise as effective as trying to solve math problems without using any numbers. Maybe it can be done, but actual data probably proves more useful.

Coming back to the original question, I guess we’re not that silly. Participatory events like the SMART Fun Run this weekend and the collection of crazy things we all do make us unique.

What’s even more interesting is that something so strange as a boxy little car club can contribute to the very characteristics we treasure in others. The enviable trait of being well-rounded.

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Tags: clubs, fun, gatehouse media, Jeff Cutler, massachusetts, photos, rally, smart car, universalhub.com

Years ago I was a guest speaker to Mrs. Cordani’s second-grade class in Beverly, Massachusetts. I won’t lie and say the experience changed me, but I will tell you that it taught me a lesson.

Know your audience.

I went into the classroom prepared to twist and mold little minds and left there with a new understanding of how a second-grader thinks.

In my hand as I entered were the latest two Laura and Tony Mysteries (author Jeff Cutler of course), and I also brought with me my Indiana Jones hat and a colorful button-down shirt.

When prompted by Laura Cordani, I read my story to the class and was thrilled to hold them in rapt attention for two stories totalling approximately 2000 words. Then I asked the class if they wanted to help me write the next Laura and Tony mystery.

A roar was returned from the kids, so I asked them each to come up with two words. They were to place one word on each of the two index cards I passed out and then return these cards to me at the front of the room.

What do you think 50% of the cards had written on them? Right. Each child’s name. What comprised the other 50%? Exactly! Dinosaurs, Leprechauns, Ponies and Firemen.

Talk about a challenge. But I took my medicine like a pro and promised them that I’d mail a story to them for Mrs. Cordani to read. And the story would contain each and every word that they put down on the cards.

Here’s what I came up with….

The Scavenger Hunt Mystery
by
Jeff Cutler

Laura looked at the list in her hand and shrugged her shoulders.
“What can we do?  Getting everything before five o’clock is impossible.”
Her friend Tony was sitting next to her on the wooden bench and he agreed.
“Yeah,  Some of these things aren’t even from around here,” he said.  “Like a Leprechaun.  Where can we find one of those?”
“I don’t know,” said Laura.  “But we better start or we won’t even have a chance of finishing.”
The two kids were part of an exciting class exercise called a scavenger hunt.  Each team was given a list of items and an instant camera.  When they found an item they would take a picture of it and then turn in all the pictures at the end of the day.  The pair with the most pictures was the winner.
Laura got up from the bench and Tony walked slowly behind her as they started the hunt.
“What’s the first thing we have to get?” asked Laura.
Tony looked into his hand at the list and saw the word ‘action’.
“How can we take a picture of action?” he asked.
“Easy.  If you go way down the sidewalk and then start running towards me, I’ll take your picture.  Running is action.”
“OK,” he said and soon the pair had one of the items crossed off the list.
“What’s next?” said Tony.
“It says we have to find a basketball.  Let’s go to the playground.  Somebody must be playing basketball there.”
So Tony and Laura continued their fantastic adventure down at the playground.  When they got there a boy named Ryan was playing by himself under a tall metal hoop.
“Ryan,” yelled Tony.  “We need to get a picture of your ball.”
“Can I be in the picture?” asked Ryan.  He had a big ego.
“No,” said Laura.  “We only need a picture of the ball.”
Reluctantly Ryan passed the ball to Tony who put it down on the ground for Laura to photograph.  She quickly took the picture then asked Tony how many things were left on the list.
“Too many,” he said.  “We have to find dinosaurs, silver, gold and a volcano.”
“Wow.  This is getting tough,” said Laura.  “Hey!  How about the library?  They have books on everything.  We can find what we’re looking for and take a picture of the picture in the book.”
“That’s a great idea.  Let’s go.”
The big glass doors to the library were wide open when they got there so the two friends went right in.  After going up and down aisles pulling books off the shelves they got a book about almost everything on the list.  Then Laura started snapping pictures.
When she finished they had a pile of photos showing Queen Elizabeth, fire, ghosts, jewels, a lantern, the Easter Bunny, the town of Quincy, a rabbit, a spotlight, thunder and lightning and even the volcano.  The one thing they were missing was a photo of Shaquille.
“He’s a famous basketball player,” said Tony.  “How come there aren’t any books about him?”
“Maybe there is one,” said Laura, “but we don’t have any more time.  We have to go hand in our stuff.”
Tony looked at the clock and nodded frantically.  “Let’s go.  We only have ten minutes.”
Next to each other they ran down the sidewalk to the school yard where everyone was supposed to meet.  Gasping for breath Tony and Laura fell on the grass when they reached the swing set.  Melanie, Sarah and Melissa were already there and Taylor and Tessa came running up as the teacher blew her whistle and yelled.
“Children get in line and show me your scavenger hunt pictures.  The team in first place will get free ice cream for the rest of the school year.”
Tony looked at Laura and whispered, “I think we’re going to win.  No one else was at the library so we must have the most pictures.”
“Cross your fingers,” said Laura.  “We’re next.”
The teacher examined the photos the pair had taken and congratulated them on their ingenuity in using the library.  Smugly Tony and Laura sat down and waited for the final team to hand in their list.
At last the counting was done and the teacher said she had a winner.
“Boys and girls, the champions of the scavenger hunt, with a great performance, are Alex and Henry.”
“How could they win?” asked Tony loudly.  “We had everything on the list except Shaquille.”
“Tony, you and Laura did very well,” said the teacher.  “But Henry’s mother just had a baby named Shaquille and that’s how Alex and Henry won.”
Tony and Laura looked at each other and made a face.  And at the same time they said, “We’ll win next time.”

So, the next time you’re putting together a presentation or a reading (assuming you’re on that track), think about who you’re speaking to. And then adjust your expectations and maybe your approach.

Because – as I learned – no colorful shirt or leather adventurer’s hat is going to distract a gradeschooler from the important things. Their name and the amazing animals and things that are already running around in their little heads.

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Tags: Cordani, dinosaur, Fiction, indiana jones, Jeff Cutler, leprechaun, reading, second grade, teacher

As if I didn’t have enough to do, I’ve started a daily review blog.

That’s right, I’ll be reviewing a variety of items for people who don’t have the time to check stuff out themselves.

Magazines, movies, restaurants, gadgets, Web sites, technology, consumer goods, travel destinations and more.

Url? Oh, sure. It’s JeffsNotes.com – like CliffsNotes.

If there’s something you haven’t had time to try and want me to put on the blog, just leave your comment here or better still, dash over there.

It’s a brand new site and a work in progress, so gimme your thoughts.

Thanks!

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Tags: consumer goods, daily, gadgets, Jeff Cutler, JeffsNotes.com, magazines, media, reviews, technology, travel, web

At my office away from the office (Panera), I tried to see how easy it would be to write 2000 words on a cohesive topic.

The exercise was part of the NaNoWriMo event coming up in less than 15 days. That’s right, National Novel-writing Month is November.

Part of my anxiety – aside from the actual word-count issue – is topic. I’m a font of silly ideas, smart commentary and unique introspective conversation starters. But that’s where it ends.

The stuff I usually write are concise and powerful 600-775 word diatribes. How can I hope to create characters, plot, description and wild action in chunks of 650 words? Further, how will I paste the whole thing together well enough to entice a major agent or publisher to take a flyer on my project?

It can’t be that hard, can it?

I mean, at every Tweet-up, cocktail party, family gathering and trip to the dentist, people bludgeon me with their ideas for books once they learn that I’m a professional writer.

Sure, I get paid to write and have done so since the days of green screens and mimeograph machines. But that doesn’t mean I’m a modern-day literary Midas.

Just look back over this rant and count the number of times I’ve used a hyphenated descriptor. That’s amateur hour, but you must concede me the errors in style as I’m trying to pound out the characters.

Nimble fingers are necessary. Just like a toy boat will tangle your tongue, you should try writing alliteration always. Or don’t.

How many words is that? 900? Not even?

C’mon. I’m going to have to do twice this amount AND make it tell a story. I think what I need is some acid. Or at least a lucid dream.

Thank god it’s Friday and I won’t have to think about this heinous challenge until Monday when I’ll be limbering up my fingers again.

What?

NaNoWriMo requires you to write EVERY day of the week? That means my trip to NYC mid-month will include some frantic banging of the keys.

And TurkeyDay will make me look like Mike Felger in a previous life. Anti-social wanker with his laptop at every family event. But it’s for the greater good.

And whatever I end up with next month better be good. And it better be greater than this collection of words.

Every day.

All month long.

Until I reach 50,000 words.

Yikes.

Keep reading…I’ll keep typing.

*Leave your thoughts on NaNoWriMo in the comments. And let me know if you’d like me to dump my daily words right here on the blog. It will give you a chance to see the novel as it travels along a path from concept to abysmal reality.

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Tags: Felger, Fiction, Jeff Cutler, nanowrimo, november, procrastinate, sham, writing contest

I was hungry once. For about five weeks. But that passed.

I was in the hospital being starved by my physician in an effort to quell the anger in my gut. For more than a year the doctors had tried to fight the ravages of Crohn’s Disease on my 16-year-old form, but not much had worked.

Horrible medications bloated my body and caused similar symptoms to the ones they were prescribed to treat. So surgery was the best chance I had to get back on a healthy track.

I wasn’t fibbing. I entered the hospital in the summer of 1981 and wasn’t allowed to eat anything for five weeks. No water, no bread, no crumbs. Nothing.

But all the while, I knew that I would be able to eat again. I didn’t fear an existence without food. Or shelter. Or even medical care. I was fortunate.

This isn’t a column about my experience with poverty. If it were, you’d be done reading by now because I haven’t had to deal with the hardship or fear that accompanies lack of money, food and care.

It’s actually an early thanksgiving message because no matter what my situation, I’ve still had clothes to wear, a roof over my head and food to eat. Not everyone is so lucky.

In 2007, according to the United States government, the poverty line was $10,787. That’s how much an individual had to earn to ensure that he or she was above the poverty level.

Can you imagine? Many of us spend twice that amount on our car.

What about the people involved in new media or technology? While it’s a fun field to participate in, many people in the fishbowl spend about half that on all their gadgets and travel and new media event participation.

Ten-thousand bucks. That’s what it cost my insurance company for ONE dose of ONE medication in the late 1990s.

People spend that much money on a honeymoon and five times that on a wedding. And they’re often still complaining about their lives.

What if you didn’t have the cash? What if you didn’t have the support network? What if you were poor? What if yours was the face of poverty?

Can you imagine?

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Tags: blog action day, CCFA.org, Crohn's Disease, destitute, healthcare, Jeff Cutler, penniless, poor, poverty

A few months ago – when the sun still warmed up my little portion of the planet enough to make playing outside pleasant – I came across a woman on a scooter. The same brand as my little scoot, hers was the smaller model with a 50cc engine.

Other than that, it was the same. Immediately I felt a kinship with this woman and I looked for her every time I ran an errand on the scooter.

Two orange scooters against the universe. Never mind that she was a batty woman who reminded me of a cat-lady. Never mind that she only wore a skull-cap helmet and no gear at all. Never mind that during out talks she seemed oblivious to the rules of the road as they applied to scooters and motorized bicycles.

She and I were on the same scooter team and that made everything right.

I’ve felt the same way about the other woman – easily in her early 120’s – who owns a Scion the same color and year as mine. Far be it for me to admit to driving a car that attracts ancient woman to the driver’s seat, I still beep and wave whenever I’m cruising past her. Two Gray Scions passing in the day.

Where does this superficial kinship develop? And more so, why?

Think about the people who whip out a cell phone similar to yours. Don’t you get a smug feeling of being ‘in’?

Or the friends who tell about their vacation to St. Kitts, a place you enjoyed almost simultaneously.

But there is a line. It’s drawn at clothes and watches and hairstyles and pets.

I’m not sure why, but if you see a similarly dressed person out on the town you feel it’s your obligation to cover up your garments so as not to seem like a twin.

And I know I’ve tugged my sleeve down when seeing that someone else had the same altimeter watch I used to favor (it now sits gathering dust on my nightstand).

For all the spouting we perform about our independence, we’re a funny species. We want to be ‘in’ without being ‘also’. Maybe that’s the real distinction.

Looks like it’s going to be warm today. I’m going to go ride my scooter. Maybe I’ll run into that wacky lady. I just hope she’s not wearing the same gear.

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Tags: belongings, clothing, freedom, individuals, Jeff Cutler, life, scooter, similarities, taste

When you walk into a church, or any house of worship, do you anticipate getting the hard sell from the minister, priest, rabbi or other religious representative?

While sitting in the pew at my uncle’s funeral this week, I was pleased by the number of friends and family in the church. I was moved by the music and the heartfelt readings from Danny’s sailing friend and the one from his brother.

Then came the little story from the priest that snapped me out of my mourning for a favorite uncle and back into my cynical, sarcastic ranting writer role.

The priest was probably well-meaning in his shared tale of how a mother found a great way to explain death to her dying child. But just as the car salesman you meet at a party or the insurance salesman who corners you at a class reunion, the priest slid into shaming those of us who might not share his beliefs.

In fact, he didn’t just try to shame us, he outright said he pitied us if we didn’t believe the way he did about Christianity.

Want an exact quote? Here…

“…and for your sake, I hope you believe in Christ the way I do.”

Where’s the need for a lecture during a memorial service? Why even try to boost membership at a time like that?

He had to realize when only about 37% of the audience got up to take communion that he was dealing with a group that wasn’t buying the glory he was selling.

It’s akin to just shouting over my uncle’s body, “He’s lucky he came back to the lord at the end. Otherwise he’d be taking an eternal dirt nap in the fire and brimstone. Don’t you make that mistake, either.”

Perhaps the emotion of watching a friend bury his father last week and me losing my uncle this week has shorted out my compassion for idiots who don’t know where to draw the line.

And that’s probably the defining characteristic that keeps many from joining the church in the first place. If a group of people who are supposed to be compassionate, empathetic and emotionally healing can’t keep their sales pitch out of a simple funeral service, how hard are they going to hit me if I show up for a regular mass. Or if I wander into the confessional to share my arbitrary sins?

Nope, organized religion doesn’t work too well for me when the employees continue to focus on the hocus-pocus instead of the living, breathing and even dying people who come through their doors.

Got a thought? Share it in the comments.

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Tags: bible, blasphemy, church, Danny, death, devil, heaven, Jeff Cutler, religion, salesman, sins, uncle

Death sucks. My uncle died last week and it caused me to think a little bit more about what I’m doing to make my life more fun before the axe falls on my existence.

Before you dash away from this column to your latte and email, this isn’t going to be a rambling diatribe about the unfairness of the universe and a complete downer. It’s poised to be a celebration of all the things that we do that really don’t matter in the grand scheme. And it makes fun of them all.

For the purposes of bringing a smile to your face, I’m going to use myself in all examples. This will keep me from being killed in my sleep by members of my family and friends who know where I live. But don’t think for a second that the situations I’m about to list ALL apply to my provincial life.

What are we doing being so stressed about email? When you don’t get an email, it’s not as if you lost your luggage, misplaced a child at the NY State Fair or let a dog you were sitting run into the street and get mauled by a doddering woman who should never have been behind the wheel of a blender, much less an Oldsmobile 88.

A recent email snafu almost sent ‘me’ over the deep end when I was unable for 12 hours to send or receive email. Breathing is the best medicine. If you are still breathing, then you can fix almost anything. If you’re not breathing, why does it matter?

Burned or undercooked food. Aside from getting food-borne diseases from the undercooked variety of chicken products (and this COULD lead to death), these are nothing to be worried about when compared to the dirt nap you could be taking.

Fender benders. Car crashes are literally just bumps along the way. Unless you’re maimed or smushed like a Peep on Easter, then you’re likely better off than those in the horizontal wooden condos in the ground.

As I type this, I’m thinking it might fit well as a Things to Worry About piece, GO HERE, but this is about the NOT WORRYING portion of your existence. So let’s move on to a couple more and then you can get back to living.

Hairstyles. While Sarah Palin may have bangs to die for, the lack thereof is really not a death-worthy situation. Bear in mind that her bangs are just the product of an overly managed campaign and I suspect that even her hairdresser appointments, hunting trips with Gorbachev and heart-to-heart talks with her pregnant daughter are all being scripted by John McCain. Before you jump off the bridge or seal up your garage for a little CO2 vacation, compare your life to hers…you’re better off alive.

College or high-school drop-outs. If you’re on the verge of being flushed from the great intellectual institutions in this country, take heart. A great many great people didn’t ever go to college. And some didn’t even finish high school or grade school.

Further, I’m a college grad who has also taken a bunch of graduate courses and I can’t even name these famous people for you. So the education you’re getting right now from this column is worth far more than that Trigonometry class or Business Ethics Symposium. Grab hold of your newfound freedom and make your mark on the world by living a fun, fantastic life.

This pep talk in column form brought to you by the makers of Xanax. They know that if you’re dead, you’re not using their drugs to keep yourself sane.

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Tags: ambition, control, Dan Regan, death, fun, Jeff Cutler, life, live, remembrance, world