January 3, 2015
That while visiting the gym for the first time since the late 1980s, you decide the low-hanging fruit is the exercise bike – as you used to race bikes and love the Tour de France. But as you get rolling, your shoelace (on shoes that are also circa 1988) gets wound around the pedal and in about four rotations flips you sideways into the other bikes.
Since you haven’t been exercising, your body mass is adequate enough to topple a few of the other bikes (all of them really) in a domino pattern that ends at some lunkhead who is doing military presses on a different machine at the end of the row. He subsequently gets up, picks up a kettle bell and waddles to where you are strewn on the floor – still attached to the bike by your foot and shoelace. Lunky, as he should be called, then drops the kettle bell on your belly to signal his displeasure. Then he waddles away as you wonder if your ligaments or pride will take longer to heal.