AXE – The Ads are True!

March 2, 2014

I’m not 14. I’m not 18. I’m not even in my 20s. But I threw caution to the wind the other day and decided to try on some AXE product then monitor the results. It was amazing!

Let’s begin at Target where they have about 11 types of AXE sprays, lotions, potions, gels and washes. Since I like to use my shampoo also as a body wash, I went for the combo bottle of ‘invigorating’ AXE body wash.

It came in a blue bottle and the two-pack was only $6.99. Definitely enough product for me to remain clean well into my 40s. But then I got distracted.

On the same shelf with the ‘sport’ style bottle were a few bottles that touted connections to Roman Empires and Greek gods. I stalled.

Picking up each one and sniffing them delicately, I decided to go with one of the bottles named for a mythological hero. I’m not sure who it was, but the name made me confident I would be the envy of every man, and the target of every woman within 30 feet.

This is where age rears its ugly head.

I am not a teen, tween or 20-something…as stated above. That, combined with my giddiness at finding some new fun-smelling shower product conspired to keep me from accurately reading the bottle. It seems the stuff I got was only shower gel. No shampoo, no wash. A third of what I had hoped to take home and get clean with was now in the shower.

The only reason I found out is because when I washed with it, the magical mythology gel was more slimy than sudsy, so I read the bottle.

Flash forward to another trip to Target where I exchanged my magical beauty bottle for the right combo-pack. This time I didn’t get distracted, grabbed the correct ‘sport’ ‘invigorating’ two-pack and rushed home to wash.

Here are the results after only 45 minutes of being all AXEd up. Your mileage may vary, but I think these results are fairly typical.

1 – Women are staring at me a lot. It might be my eight-dollar pants, but I think it’s because they are catching a slight whiff of my pleasant aroma.

2 – Men are being surly around me. I think they subconsciously know they don’t stand a chance with the ladies when I small as I do.

3 – Service at Starbucks, the gas station, Post Office and the Whack-a-Mole Game Center has been exceptional. The only variable is my new scent.

4 – I’m taller and smarter. I don’t have statistics to measure this, but it feels as if I’ve gained an inch or two and my IQ has almost broken the 90 barrier.

5 – My phone keeps ringing. Just got a call out of the blue from some guy that told me my computer was infected, a gold bullion sales woman, the sweetest timeshare rep and Julia who wanted to tell me she could lower my credit card bills.

6 – My Klout score went up by .03. And if that isn’t a true metric, what is?

You make your own decision on this, but my experience is likely the standard any man will have when they coat their body in this magical product.

Why do you think AXE works like this? Is this finally a truth-in-advertising case study for the ages?