Dumb Cats

February 6, 2011

While watching Brisket and Ducky – the MeatCats – race around the house this morning, I came to the conclusion that they’re not really too smart. Aside from responding to my voice, and to be clear they don’t respond to their names, they are ill-suited to exist without my human stewardship.

From feeding to vet care to protecting them from the feral cat down the street – cat in the tree video, I’m at a loss to understand how these little animals descended from larger cats. You know the ones. The larger, rip-your-spleen-out and munch-on-your-face wild lions and tigers and cougars.

While my little cats might know instinctively how to capture a bird or put a little scare into a squirrel (no, they haven’t caught one yet), they are certainly no kings or queens of the jungle. But then what are they for? Unlike children, pets are just resource suckers. They require maintenance and care like our vehicles and home, but they aren’t able to transport us places or shelter us. Unless you take this rambling to a philosophical place.

Cats, while seemingly unaware of our emotions, still offer some companionship and entertainment. I get a kick from the little engines they start up when contented and love the feel of their sandpaper tongue on my hand. I also like when they curl up on my back while I’m sleeping.

Ultimately, were I to grade cats on their utility as pets, I’d give them a B. Fish are about a D. And our friend the lovable mutt is an A- or a B+. For any of these creatures to be the perfect animal companion, they’d probably need to be able to speak, emote and also not revert back to throat-ripping natural instincts when backed into a corner.

What’s your vote for best pet? For now, I’ll stick with the MeatCats.