Movie Man

May 26, 2006

If you’re a devotee of the arts, as you most likely are if you read Bowl of Cheese with any regularity, then you know that I have been bitten with the movie bug. And I’ve decided to take the independent film path to greatness – (Not unlike Michael Rand – film and editorial genius who has let nothing but financial obligations deter him from creating blockbuster after blockbuster).

So, the other day I dug up my video camera, cleaned off the existing tapes of the random wedding or trip or exploding cow, and got ready to film. I’m assuming you’ve all signed a non-compete, non-disclosure so you can read on. Some of these ideas include ‘spoiler’ bits that reveal the ending to possible movies, so be prepared.

Jeff I, II and III

This movie follows Jeff, a guy who works in a meat-packing plant in Philly, on his journey toward greatness as a boxer. Our intrepid hero experiences the ups and downs of professional boxing and the heart-wrenching loss of his mentor and his true love. But she comes back to him and in the end he’s victorious in life and in the ring.

The Wizard of Jeff

Jeff stands behind a curtain and ochestrates a whole imaginary world of flying monkeys, witches and dancing figurines that are just figments of the imagination. Jeff conjures all this stuff up with the help of coffee – a new, unregulated drug.

The DaVinci Jeff

As a painter, sculptor, inventor and philosopher, Jeff is able to solve the mystery of Intelligent Design (it’s just creationism renamed in an effort to garner PR); coffee (it’s a drug, simple and true); and missing socks (sleight of foot and the lint filter conspire to suck socks up the shiny metal tube and turn them into the softest material known to man).

Smokey and the Jeff

Racing across the United States to win bets, Jeff finds that he is the best driver ever and learns that for the sake of mankind, he should never passenge. For when he passenges, he is irritable and a side-seat, back-seat and all-seat driver. Nutmeg, mummy and others might attest to this at his intervention.

Jeff Fiction

There’s no shooting in a diner in this version of the classic (actually I have yet to even see the film – shows how in-touch I am), but it’s the story of Jeff’s struggle to create independent film for inclusion in the BostonIFF event in 2007. Follow along as he creates a script and then shoots it with the help of Udder and other film pros. Casting will begin in July or August. If you’d like to have a role, I’ll see if I can clean off the casting double recliner.

More to come…