Futon Fear

October 19, 2008

That when you’ve set the futon up as a bed you’ll likely roll too close to the side while watching TV and suddenly the allen bolts holding the whole contraption together will let go and pitch you headlong onto the floor.

Then, the rest of the wooden deathtrap will pummel you causing splinters and unimaginable pain right before the freakishly heavy mattress smothers you.

The worst part is that someone will have to find you this way, negating the possibility of an open casket because you’ll have some ugly flower or herringbone print mashed into your previously gorgeous visage.