Bowl of Coffee

February 26, 2008

I disagree with those who say coffee is just a ‘treat’ and use this dangerous fluid drug to power their day every day. Even Molly says that coffee is an evil substance that we can only hope to contain.

But that’s not what I’m writing about today, I’m writing about how you should lock up your kids and shutter up your home today when billions of coffee-deprived freaks take to the streets and riot.

Why might they riot? Well, because today for three hours at local dinner time nationwide every Starbuck’s will close to train their employees how to make and serve coffee.

Don’t ask me why a collection of Ph.D. candidates and former middle managers need help figuring out how to put a fluid into a cardboard cup, but that’s why I’m not behind those hallowed counters.

Some people are taking this as a delayed Lenten jump-start on their caffeine control. Some are drinking Vitamin Water. And many are just walking across the street to Dunkin Donuts to get their free latte.

That’s right. Many Dunkin’s are giving away free coffee while the millions of Starbuck’s locations are closed.

It’s pure foolishness. Don’t people know that tea is more civilised? Poor Julio Valdez would be rolling over in his grave on the other side of the fence on the U.S. southern border.

I cry for future jittery generations.

More to come…