Having a cow?

July 20, 2008

Imagine for a minute that you are an out-of-work chef doing some research on opening your own restaurant. You might do some odd jobs to get cash. You might spend entire days meeting with bankers and realtors determining funding sources and locations for your new venture.

You also might need a break from the stress occasionally. If you were faced with this degree of stress, would you…

A – Start drinking a little more during the day?

B – Take your dog for a walk and confide in him your aspirations?

C – Play a prank on your sister by moving her cow?

D – All the above?

Well, if your name begins with a B, then the answer might be D.

I spoke with a certain person whose name begins with B and he told me how he masterminded the cow movements over the course of the last two weeks. It took some planning, he said, and it took some care not to get caught.

As an aside, the only reason I’m writing this here is because I have been accused of being the cow mover and frankly I don’t know how to respond. So here is the story – as I understand it – as how the cow made his way around the region.

In early July a certain young man was helping build a basement door in Hingham for a certain second-cousin. He finished work on the door and made his way to a neighboring town and saw an opportunity. In the yard of a sibling was an ornamental lawn cow.

This man snatched the opportunity and moved the cow across the yard. Then he went about his business.

A day later he was back in the neighborhood and saw that the cow had been moved back. The gauntlet had been laid.

Over the next few days he moved the cow around the yard and each subsequent day the cow had been moved back. That raised the stakes and the cow promptly went into his vehicle for a journey.

Here’s a quick photo collection of where the cow went…

French Memories Cafe – Cohasset, MA.

South Shore Music Circus, Cohasset, MA.

Although he had been to a cafe, the cow was now hungry and worked a little on the field.

OK. He worked a lot on the field.

Once he was done in the field, he went and worked at the dairy. But he felt a little pain and went to see the doctor.

The local doctor wasn’t on his medical plan, so the cow had to travel north to Newbury to see a specialist. It was just a tummy ache, but with a cow that can be five times as bad as with a person.

Maybe his tummy hurt out of guilt. Or maybe it was just transfats.

Whatever the issue was, the cow didn’t want to stray far from a bathroom. But he started to feel better and the weekend was coming. Coincidence? I think not. The cow felt much better when it was time to go to a party with all his other cow friends.

And party he did at a raucous event in Saugus. Other cows were there and there was plenty to eat and drink. But then he got lonely for Charlie and Sophie and Whit. So he decided to go south.

After getting directions and following the signs, he found his family.

They enjoyed a fun and relaxing day at the beach. Then the cow (courtesy of this same out-of-work chef) returned to his suburban lifestyle on the lawn.

And that’s the end of a Moooving story.

More to come…

**The value of reading to the very end is that you learn stuff other people don’t. Like the fact that Ben had nothing to do with the cow movements. It was actually someone else, but the photos appeared at my house and I’ve used them to create this entry. As of today, nobody has come forward to take responsibility for the cow’s movements.**