Lent – make it stop

January 29, 2008

The Grampy’s calendar is out and if you haven’t received your copy yet, drop me a line. I might be able to scare up a copy for you.

But in the meanwhile, let me talk about Lent.

No you ninnies, I’m not at all religious but I find my diet and lifestyle frequently affected by the machinations of the highly devout. Here are a few examples…

During Lent I’ll often be unable to order a personal-size Beef Wellington on Fridays because people give up chocolate and eat fish for 40 days and 40 nights like Noah.


On Sundays during Lent the lines at all my breakfast joints are way too long because folks who were just passable in their religious fervor the rest of the year have found new vim and vigor and are rushing all around and getting saved each Sunday. This seems to build their appetites and they join with other freaks to create a 45-minute wait for a table at any breakfast restaurant.

Traffic on Sundays in Lent is ridiculous. Not only on the roadways going to and from church, but also on any road where these holy rollers feel that they should relax and enjoy the morning while puttering about at four miles an hour. Stop wasting my Spring and pull to the right to let people pass. It’s all very admirable that you’re up and enjoying the “Morning has Broken” scenery. But do it on your time. Don’t do it while weaving at 14MPH on roads that were built to connect towns, not facilitate your commune with the morning dew.


There’s extra guilt during Lent. I’m not saying I feel any more guilt this time of year, but I know that others seem to try to work harder and be better people until they see their shadows on the morning the Easter Bunny comes. This ruins things for the rest of us who have spent a lot of the year managing expectations from the boss. When you bible thumpers start pretending that work is more important than your social life because Lent guilt has come over you, you create undue attention for the athiest, agnostic and Wicken people in and around your cube farm. STOP THE KISSING UP!

Oh, the thing I really like about Lent is the chocolate bunnies and the glorious return of the endangered Peep.


More to come…