Shooting Shingles

November 2, 2009

Months ago I raised the ire of Heifer International when I suggested they were mismanaging cows by not allowing me to have an entire beast in return for my donation. Today I tried to kill a woodpecker.


Those two sentences may seem to have nothing in common but their proximity to the top of this blog post, but they are actually illustrative of my mindset when it comes to wildlife and the rights of humans.

Not to get into a whole PETA pissing match, but if an animal threatens to diminish my quality of life by taking off my arm, mauling my nephew, dining on my cat or even pecking a hole in my home, I’m probably going to take action. And I won’t feel bad if the liberal hearts at PETA or elsewhere get a little bent out of shape.

To the Heifer point, if I want to help a family in Africa or Asia or Dublin or Des Moines by purchasing rights to a cow that is subsequently slaughtered, I should be allowed to do so. I’m furthering human life at the expense of a tasty creature.

To the woodpecker point, if the incessant knocking is driving me insane and creating a cavern in the corner of the house, I should be allowed to pull out my gun and take a shot at the aforementioned bird.

To both points, that’s what I tried to do.

Sadly, Heifer’s policy precludes them from assigning me an entire cow and their poor record-keeping won’t let me track my donated meat. So no money went to them.

Sadly, the sight on my gun could be off a little or it’s been too many years since I qualified at Quantico’s firing range, and my shot went wide of the pecker and creased a shingle in the house. The photo of the creased shingle and the hole are in the photo at the beginning of this post.

What would you have done?

More to come…