Stealing away

November 1, 2006

I’m writing this from the relative comfort of the bathroom because I’m so livid right now that I can’t balance both my need to get my thoughts down on paper – or a screen – and my body’s ultimate need to evacuate the sushi I had for lunch.

Sorry for possibly offending anyone who’s just tuning in or reading my comments for the first time. But my issue today is with dirtbags.

Not the literal bags of dirt that are used to quell the surges of water caused by hurricanes and inclement weather. No. The dirtbags who steal things.

OK, I’m not an angel. I once stole a Sunday paper to impress a girl, but that’s about it. During grade school I was too concerned with the feelings of the clerk behind the convenience store counter that I wouldn’t even steal a Slim Jim or a pack of gum.

That’s what makes it so difficult to understand people who steal. Let me explain…

The other day I expected to get a package from Apple Computer. I had ordered an iPod nano for a friend and had planned to give it to her over the weekend.

Well, when I got home from work on Friday there was a note on the door from FedEx saying that a delivery had been attempted and that the driver would try again on Saturday.

Saturday came and I hung around the house waiting for the package. After a few hours of waiting I decided to sign the slip the driver had left and go do my errands.

I was gone a couple hours but returned to the house before 12PM and then left the house at 12:10PM.

When I called FedEx on Sunday – as I found no package at my house again – they said the driver delivered the package at noon on Saturday.

Therefore, either FedEx (the on-time specialists) don’t know how to read a clock or someone has absconded with my iPod.

For a full day I chose to believe that the crazy winds had knocked the package off the porch and I had missed it.

But after searching the porch for 15 minutes tonight, I am saddened to report that I have taken steps to install a security system at the house and I have contacted Apple, FedEx and Discover Card to investigate the disappearance.

You might wonder what this has to do with theft. Well, I strongly believe that the package was taken by an opportunistic and dirtbag neighbor or the contractor who was entrusted by FedEx to securely deliver packages.

The worst thing about this situation isn’t that I’ve got to jump through hoops to track down a ‘misplaced’ package. It’s that IF this package was stolen, more than an iPod was taken from me.

Now when I’m alone in the house I feel like locking the door. Even when all I want to do is go to the bathroom to write.