Traveling Man

January 10, 2008

Today I’ll leave the house for the first time in nearly 50 hours. That’s right, I’ve been a serious homebody these past 2+ days because I’ve had a fever and body aches.

As far as I can tell I got this from some snot-nosed kid somewhere in the Northeast. I can’t narrow it down because I spend precious little time with snot-nosed kids, but my theory holds water because people are inconsiderate.

What? You’re not following me? OK, let me explain. It’s like a supply train that begins in Chicago and runs Uno’s pizza all the way to West Roxbury (where Uno Restaurant Group is located). Along the way the train makes stops in various cities to either drop off pizza and take on passengers. Still with me?

Well, the train is a metaphor for an adult who has children. They are a ‘transporter’ of these little snotties.

The pizza and passengers are both metaphors for good and bad germs.

I am a metaphor for Uno’s.

During my travels the past few weeks I have come in contact with parents who KNOWINGLY have sick children and have not quarantined them. These are the same parents who park like this and who think that ADD is real.

These parents are oblivious enough about the mechanics of illness to think that it’s OK to be around sick munchkins and then spend time around non-sick humans and expect nothing to happen. GERMS TRAVEL PEOPLE!

Germs don’t need a spankin’ new passport, like this one that movie star guy is holding. But they travel nonetheless.

So while I recuperate at home and allow this bird flu or hanta virus to run its course, I am thinking of ways to discreetly let people know that they are idiots.

Perhaps I’ll just say, “Hey, didn’t your kid have a cold yesterday? Did you confine him and yourself to one room until it passed? No? I thought so. You’re an idiot.”

Maybe that’s what I’ll say. Maybe I’ll also lighten up a little once I feel better. Yargh!!!

More to come…