Witness Protection

May 22, 2006

I’ve enjoyed Yard Sailing/ne SALING for ages and this weekend was no different. Even though we had nutmeg’s graduation with her Master’s for teaching, there was still adequate time to get a proper collection of yard sale crap from various venues.

Alas, while at one of these great venues I was accosted by some Jehovahs. It seems these people are quite adept at starting conversations and turning them to god and religion. In fact, while I was perusing a Prince album from the 80s, one JW said to me, “didn’t he denounce satan and embrace the lord?”

I said that I wasn’t sure who Prince was sleeping with these days but if it was her personal savior I wouldn’t blame her for being jealous. Then I confessed that I was in the Jehovah Witness Protection Program and ran back to the car.

The day was jammed with events like this, but for the most part it consisted of testing the new McDonald’s iced coffee, eating chocolate and watching movies. So we had time to relax a bit.

We even had time to explore the outlets in Kittery and I got myself a portable hammock. Sadly, the original price was $100 and I got it for $39 at the outlet. BUT, now Brookstone is discounting it to $79 so I feel that I only saved $40 and not $60. What a gyp!

You might ask what’s so great about a portable hammock and I would reply, “two things! Portable and Hammock.”

That’s right, now I can bring a hammock nearly anywhere. Got a tough session at the library Рportable hammock.

Going to be in line for concert tickets? Portable hammock.

Can’t fit the regulation size hammock on the front porch without knocking out the windows? Portable hammock.

Beach? PH.

Countryside? PH.

Weddings, graduations, christenings? PH, PH, PH.

I can’t stress how well this device is going to improve my life. I need to be more relaxed and this is the way. Unfortunately, it probably won’t help me shed my new nickname or any pounds.

New nickname? you ask. Yup. If you ask me I would say that it’s ENORMO Рthe eating machine. If you ask nutmeg, she would say it’s THE GOBBLER Рarch-nemesis of stationary food.

That’s all for now.

More to come…