My Opinion – Spring Cutlets

March 12, 2016

Fun writers like Andy Rooney (RIP), Dave Barry and Dan Shaughnessy all have bodies of work that include ‘list’ columns. These list columns are their opinion pieces…a seemingly endless stream of consciousness these guys jotted down or banged out on the keyboard.

I know it’s a lot more strategic than that because I’ve been doing my Cutlets opinion columns for a while. These pieces require thought, timing and careful editing.

Now that I’ve got your expectations appropriately set, here is a list of my latest opinion Cutlets I hope make you think and inspire you as the days get longer this weekend.

Days never get any longer or shorter, it just seems that way because so many people are afraid to go out after dark.

Sweatpants are softer after you wear them for two or three hours. Jeans are measurably softer after two or three days. If you’re wearing both at the same time, you might be a little soft yourself.

Why do so many people drive faster than the speed limit? Is the speed limit wrong or is it the people behind the wheel? And why do so many people argue against the punishment? They did the crime, they should be appropriately punished. Perhaps it’s the word appropriately.

If speeding is not as serious as many people think, then shouldn’t we get the laws changed to reduce the penalties? Seriously. We’ve already made marijuana legal, should some simple driving offenses feature harsh penalties?

If you’re a Bruins fan in Boston, would you rather make the playoffs and lose in the first round or not make the playoffs and get an early start on rebuilding the team. Face reality, even with their recent run of wins, the team isn’t going far in the 2016 hockey playoffs.

Smart kitchen appliances were the big buzz at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show (CES). I wonder what’s on tap to wow us next year? My guess is audio equipment, smart watches that actually work, fitness jewelry and healthcare tech. Now that Robert Scoble is all about virtual reality, I can imagine that will make a big splash soon…maybe not during #SXSW, but soon.

There’s nothing more dangerous than letting the general population into the tools section of a Home Depot. These people are the same ones who thought David Ortiz was a runner-up in the Boston Mayoral race and regularly reply to emails from Nigeria. These are also the same folks who think we actually sent troops to Alderaan.

If the FDA can regulate harmful fats out of the food we buy in this country, why can’t they outlaw cigarettes? Would you rather stare down a cheeseburger with transfats or suck on a cancer stick?

I cease to understand why it’s so important to have a nice lawn. And by extension, why it’s so important to rake up or blow around all the leaves in your yard. It’s nearly Spring, the lawn is all mud. Leave the leaves on the lawn and mow the crap out of it when it warms up completely. Done and done.

The airlines should continue charging people for carry-ons. They should ALSO enforce their policies regarding numbers of bags and size of luggage. I’m talking to you JetBlue and all the other airlines that are afraid of making travelers mad. This will make loading the plane quicker, will make the ride much less anxiety producing for everyone who ‘needs’ to board early to get some overhead bin space, and will make people think twice before stuffing five pairs of shoes in a bag for a three-day trip.

I’ve learned – because I own some pretty good camera equipment – that it’s not the equipment that produces great photos. It’s the person operating the camera.

The same can be said of people who drive SUVs. While your car might be capable of navigating incredibly challenging terrain, if you can’t park it without doing a 47-point turn, you should probably get a smaller car.

There are two types of people in the world. Those who like loading the dishwasher and those who like unloading it. Clearly, I am from outer space.

I’ve spoken a bit about cars in this Cutlets column – probably because I’m car shopping right now. I’ve got it narrowed to convertibles from MINI Cooper and Audi. Which makes me ask why more companies don’t make hardtop convertibles that are stylish and functional? The VW EOS is a great concept, but I’m not buying one because I am afraid of how my friends will react. That’s the real reason a guy buys a cool car – especially a convertible. To impress his friends. Otherwise we’d all be driving perfectly functional and sedate minivans.

What’s on your mind? What’s infuriating you these days? Leave me a comment or reach out to me on social. If you’re in Austin right now for South by Southwest, don’t give out all your business cards. As I’ve discovered from multiple trips to the festival, you’ll actually have to do some work when you get back home because the $4000+ you spent to enjoy the conference takes a little time to reappear in your bank account.

More Cutlets columns coming soon. Thanks for reading!